LOVE RELATIONSHIP

I wouldn't say that I'm an expert in handling love relationship but what I'm gonna be writing to you is just purely based on experiences and after thoughts. I've been into three different kinds of relationships. They may not have turned out well but at least all three were sincere. I guess.

I'm writing this to you because I've been receiving questions about handling love relationship and would like to put it together for your reference in case you would like to know how I handled mine. What I will be writing is things that I've done right and wrong and what's the outcome from it.

I've encountered questions like: "What did you do to keep a relationship strong?" "How did you balance your time and effort for friends and boyfriend?" and to be honest, I had never really thought of it.

All I really did in any of the relationships I had was giving them the space that they deserved as I don't really like to be controlled either. I would never ask for accounts passwords neither would I check the conversations they had with anyone else. I trust people 100% (That's pretty naive but that's what I do for friends and family as well), until they lost my trust. You don't have to worry about trusting a person, because if you have to question yourself if you could trust him/her, that's when you know you don't.

I would say that no relationships are perfect. There's surely conflicts and misunderstandings once in awhile, and when it happens, SPEAK OUT. A big no to keeping it to yourself. It kills your relationship. You start suspecting things with your imaginations and coming up with assumptions and predictions which probably never exist in the first place. Be honest and have an open minded when handling chaos like this. If you're afraid you might offend them with what you wanna say, try using a better tone and vocab to describe your thoughts on their behaviour. Arguing or scolding each other even though you're opening up the issues wouldn't make things any better.

What's the worst thing you could do in a relationship is to tell someone else about what's wrong with your relationship instead of your own boyfriend/girlfriend. When you discuss about your own issues with someone who probably knows nothing about your relationship, you allow them to create assumptions as well. The interpretations might be different and in the end the story would turn out differently too.

A balance of friends vs. boyfriend/girlfriend would be managing your own priority and time. You could probably meet up with your friends when your partner is busy with work and stuff and vise versa. In that way both parties wouldn't feel that they're left out.

Late last year, some of my friends asked me: "How did you get over your previous relationship so easily?" "How can you still be so happy after being put through hell?"

How? I could never give an accurate answer as everyone has their own ways on getting over their previous relationship. But for me, you need to have a mindset for yourself. I used to ask myself: "What am I supposed to do now? Am I gonna be caught up with all these shitty emotions all day long or to stand up and do what I'm supposed to do right away?". I used to cry very often after my second relationship and it probably took me a year or more to get over that relationship. For that one year or more, I've always felt so fucked up whenever I thought about it. But after my third relationship, I didn't wanna repeat my previous mistakes. I'm not sure if I was numb to it or I gave up. And I'm not gonna lie, that I probably cried once or twice but not more than that because what's the point crying over things you can't change? I didn't wanna screw myself up with overwhelmed emotions, overthinking thoughts and losing my temper on small matters.

Thus, I made things very clear for myself. I made myself as busy as I could, made my weekdays super duper productive and spent my weekends resting and regaining my energy. I was pretty burnt-out at that time because I didn't allow myself to rest properly as I was too afraid random thoughts would trigger me when I'm free. I had my earphones plugged into my ear before bed everyday until I fall asleep and woke up in the middle of the night just to turn off the music and fall right back to sleep. I stopped doing so when my ears started to hurt so badly after some time. Basically, I used productivity to cover emotions, compressing the pain until I don't really feel it anymore(Not a good thing to do, don't try.). But that's more like sweeping it under the carpet.

After the few months of being extremely busy, I started thinking of what's the least I could do to prevent myself from getting too burnt-out by being able to handle my own thoughts when I'm free. It took me quite awhile to come to a realisation of what I did. I've never pamper myself with anything. And with that being said, I realised that all I've ever left out all this while was to love myself.

Loving yourself doesn't have to be materialistically spending money on yourself. It could be knowing your self worth and self respect. Loving yourself is really important. I never truly understand why those quotes pages on Instagram often caption "Love yourself" until I ended my last relationship. It triggered me after I've seen some people who are still crazy over their exes and they have no limits to their self respect. They sacrificed their time and effort even though those were taken for granted. They traded in love for being used and some of them probably got back together with no real feelings towards each other.

Please don't do so.

At the end of the day, things don't get any better, your wounds just get bigger.

What's best to do is to know your own worth and walk away from what is bringing your values down.

Say no isn't a weakness so don't be afraid to use it when needed to.

Don't beg. If they're not keen with you anymore, don't expect the same hand that let you go would give you a hand when you need it.

Don't seek for revenge. The biggest revenge is to be a better and happy self.

Move on by improving yourself. Know what's best for yourself and come back stronger and better.

Trust me, it really works. I know it might seems easier said than done, but I've been through it. I swear that getting to know yourself more and doing more for yourself makes you feel so damn good. You find life more meaningful than before. And when you start loving yourself, you start loving the people surrounding you and they will love you even more.

To close, have a heart with appreciation, sincerity, honesty and loyalty. It's the things you must have to maintain a good love relationship with your soulmate/best friend/family --- your partner.

I hope this would help those who are seeking for advises and the after thoughts of being in a relationship and I hope you enjoyed it.

Hope you're having a great day and Happy Valentine's Day in advance! xx

Till next time,

Lots of love. x

- Cla -